Broken
by emeraldValkyrie
Summary: TW: Self-Harm, Suicide, Abuse. Not good enough. Nothing she could do was good enough. Not pretty, skinny, smart, athletic-She wasn't good enough. And her boyfriend made sure she was isolated enough that nobody could change that. Astrid never thought anything would ever get better. Until Hiccup Haddock came back into the picture. Somewhat Short Story. Modern AU. Hiccstrid.
1. Alone

**CHAPTER 1: ALONE**

"Ow!"

She fell to the floor, dropping her books and landing on her bottom. _Great_.

"Sorry! Oh gods, I am so sorry, Astrid." He offered his hand, which she ignored. She just wanted to be alone.

"It's okay..." she muttered, looking up slightly. Recognizable green eyes, wild russet hair, a sharp jaw, only a couple inches taller. "Hiccup."

It was an honest mistake. He was backing up, turned around with too much force and knocked her down.

She's fallen many times before. She knew how it felt.

He glanced at her face. Pale skin, bridge of her nose kissed with freckles, long golden hair braided back and shorter locks framing her face. Blue eyes that seemed so… what was the word?

"What?"

He realized he was staring. "Oh! Sorry- I, um, sorry—"

"We should get going," she said, voice barely above a whisper. Before he could say anything, she rushed past him, disappearing into the crowd of students.

"—Astrid," he whispered.

"Henry, who was that?"

His head whipped to the side. Piercing blue eyes, dirty blonde hair, heart shaped face.

"Astrid, I bumped into her." He shrugged.

She cocked an eyebrow. "Are you sure?"

He resisted face palming and bit back a sarcastic reply. "I'm sure. She's just an old friend from childhood." Who drifted apart as they started dating separate people.

She crossed her arms. "If I find out you're cheating on me—"

"I'm not cheating on you, Cami!" He wrapped an arm over her shoulders. "Seriously."

She remained silent as they navigated the hallway.

* * *

Astrid shrugged on her backpack, stiffening as she felt a hand grip her arm.

"Who the hell was that?" He snarled. Dark hair, masculine physique, piercing blue eyes.

"It was Hiccup," she said quietly. The hallway was almost empty, as students were pouring out of the school, wanting to get home as quickly as possible. "Just an old friend, Eret."

"He kept staring at you," he said accusingly. "Who knows you didn't sleep with him last night?"

She shrunk back. "I haven't been with anybody. Why would you—"

"Don't talk back to me, bitch!" He struck her mouth. "Say sorry. Now!"

"Sorry." Her head hung as he left, leaving her alone.

Gods, when did her life turn to… this?

* * *

Hiccup sighed, opening the door and placing his helmet on the table. The familiar smell of the repair shop calmed him slightly.

"Oi, Hiccup!" Gobber greeted, flipping up his welding mask and waving at him with his prosthetic hand. "Where 'ave ye been, lad?"

"Oh, you know, arguing with Camicazi… again." He took off his jacket and strapped on his leather apron. "The usual."

Gobber sighed. "Yeh've got ta leave tha' relationship. It's no' 'ealthy."

"We broke up."

"Tha' didn' take long."

"I know! I can't take how possessive she is anymore. And she hated that Astrid exists and that I was friends with her." He sighed. It was going to be a _mess _to explain to Snotlout and Fishlegs.

"Astrid? The 'offerson lass?" Gobber gave a heavy laugh. "When ta both of ye were kids, Stoick and I thought that ta both of ye would ge' married!"

"Yeah, well…" He bit his lip. "She and Eret are together. And they look happy."

"Ye know betta' than everybody tha' looks are deceiving."

He nodded, staring at the window, small cracks at the corner… Broken

"That's what I was thinking about!"

"Wha'?"

"Sorry!" Her eyes… beautiful ocean blue…

They were broken.

* * *

Astrid opened the door, relieved as the house was empty. Father was at work, mother was dead.

Alone. As always.

She ran upstairs and into her bedroom, closing the door behind her. She dropped her bag on her bed and unloaded her books and binders, starting on her homework before hopping in the shower, drying up and plopping on her bed. Before her mother's death, she had instilled a system for her remaining child to ensure she'd be well-functioned and organized. Shower. Homework. Chores. Dinner. Sleep.

She missed that.

_You're a mistake. Your mother is dancing in heaven, finally free from you. You're such a burden_.

She paced the room, breathing heavily. Why was she such a screw up? Everybody left her. Her mother, her friends… Hiccup…

Eret was right.

Please, just stop the pain, just stop the pain… please...

* * *

**Hello…**

**So I decided to redo the story. But this will be longer, more painful, a lot more angsty, a lot more plot, a lot more fluff (yay!), and a lot of sleep I will lose!**

**Of course, they **_**will **_**end up together. No matter what. **


	2. Fake It

**CHAPTER 2: FAKE IT**

She pulled into the driveway, sitting back in her seat while she waited for her friends. She was the only one, besides Tuffnut, who Eret had approved of. Snotlout, Fishlegs, Hiccup—

The door opened, Ruffnut sliding into the seat with ease as Tuffnut went in the back. Long, pale hair in fat braids and piercing blue eyes that she and her brother shared, it was hard to tell the difference between her and Tuffnut, had crooked teeth and dreadlocks.

"You guys take _forever_," she complained, turning right. "You guys don't even do your homework!"

"Hey!" Tuffnut pulled on his seat belt. "To achieve this beauty, I need time!"

Ruff snorted. "What beauty?"

"The one you can't possess!"

"Uhh, excuse me!" She flipped a braid over her shoulder. "I'll have you know, I lather my hair with fish oil for that magnificent oily texture!"

Astrid grimaced. "Oka-a-ay, that's a nice bit of information." _And explains the smell_. She made a mental note to buy an air freshener for her car.

"Why didn't we get Heather?" Tuffnut asked.

"She's sick. Texted me earlier."

Her phone dinged. Before she could stop her, Ruffnut grasped her phone. "It's Eret."

"I forgot to tell him about the presentation," she said, lies easily slipping from her tongue. "That's probably what he wants."

"Wow, he cares about grades?" Tuffnut said from the back.

"Dreamy," Ruffnut said. Astrid cringed internally.

She laughed. _But he's not all you think, _she thought sadly.

* * *

Hiccup almost regretted the whole ride to the school. His motorcycle was in the repair shop, meaning he had to ride with his friends. Fishlegs and Snotlout, mainly the latter, were questioning the decisions about his relationship, but Hiccup quickly steered the conversation to botany, which Fishlegs was passionate about and _would not stop talking_.

They parked, and Hiccup immediately got out of the car, thankful the ride hadn't been as torturous as it could have been. A familiar blue pick-up truck pulled into the lot, parking and revealing Astrid and the Thorston Twins. He met her eyes, beautiful, blue eyes.

He walked towards her as the Twins began arguing behind her.

"Hi," he said, smiling. She smiled back, though something was off about it.

"Hey, Hiccup," she greeted him. Only a few people knew to call him that. Not even Cami would. She'd thought it was too odd. "You finally forgive yourself for bumping into me?"

_She seems just like I remember her. Before we drifted_. He placed his hand dramatically on his chest. "I will never forget that!"

She punched his shoulder. "Drama Queen."

"That's Drama _King_, to you, milady."

_He still calls me milady, _she thought. "Oh, really?"

He opened his mouth to respond, but was shoved to the side and into another car as Eret pushed through and wrapped a shoulder around her shoulder. "Hey, _sweet cheeks_."

She faked a smile. "I'll… see you later, Hiccup."

He nodded, watching them walk away. He looked at the Twins, who both gave him a look of confusion as well. "What was that about?"

"I have no idea," Ruffnut said.

"You never do," Tuffnut shot. She punched his shoulder before they walked towards the entrance.

Hiccup sighed, following before a small, blonde, angry shape stepped in front of him.

He groaned internally. "Camicazi, not now."

"You always wanted to get away from me!" She sneered, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Wow! Really? From all your smothering and attention, I would've never guessed!"

"It's because of that bitch Hofferson, isn't it!" She sneered. "Or maybe Heather the Slut?"

He scowled. "Astrid is a friend, and Heather isn't even attracted to men!" He ran a hand through his hair. He hated confrontation. "We're done, Cami."

Snotlout and Fishlegs gaped as they walked alongside him.

"Who knew you had a backbone?" Snotlout said.

* * *

"We'll be doing partner projects," Mr. Alvin Treacherous announced. "A joint essay and slides on for and against the given topic. I have assigned your partners already. One of you must grab a rubric from my desk. Soon as you grab it, you go. You can't exchange it."

Eret immediately glanced at Astrid, who smiled weakly, before sagging when he turned away. Hiccup raised an eyebrow. Camicazi tried catching his gaze.

"Simon Jorgenson and Heather Oswaldson. Daniel Vaineye and Camicazi Burglar. Tyson Thorston and Anna Arendsen. Elsa Anderson and Rachel Thorston. Finlay Ingerman and Kristof Sleghder. Eret Eretson and Theadore Bason. Henry Haddock and Astrid Hofferson."

Astrid glanced at Hiccup, then at Eret, who was already out of his seat and heading towards the front desk. She had better hearing than most others, compensating for her eye sight. She had glasses, but the constant degradation on her looks from Eret made her decide to leave it at home often.

She sighed, gathering her things and traveling to Hiccup's desk, only to see him arguing with Camicazi.

"You manipulated the list, didn't you?" She heard her accuse.

"Yes, I totally have the power to do so. That's why I assigned myself to be partnered with Dogsbreath—sorry, _Daniel _last time. He had to ask me why murder is legal three weeks ago!"

"You sarcastic ass!" Cami hissed. "You'd do everything to be away from me!"

"I didn't do anything!"

_Oh, gods, confrontation, _she thought anxiously. _I can't leave Hiccup with her. Agh—_

"Hey, Hiccup," she said, trying to calm her nerves and act natural. He turned to her, relief flooding his features.

"Hello again, milady," he greeted, mouthing _thank you_ before Camicazi pushed him out of the way.

"Why are you calling this bitch _milady_?" she sneered. Astrid raised an eyebrow. She was used to insults, at least.

"Childhood nicknames."

"I'm his partner," she said dryly. "I kind of don't want to fail and have my grade average drop four levels to yours."

"You're already a failure," she scoffed. "Grades mean nothing."

"Of course," Hiccup snarked. "Uni doesn't look at the gradebook. They look at how many followers you have on social media."

She rolled her eyes. "Come on, babe—"

"Please don't call me that."

"Come on, Henry. You should be my partner. I can make it up to you," she said suggestively, pressing her hands on his chest. He firmly pushed her away.

"Yeah, I'm gonna have to say no," he said, inching closer to Astrid, the both of them towering over her. "Maybe you could go to your partner that you were assigned?"

She stomped away.

"Astrid?"

The blonde turned her head, seeing Mr. Treacherous gesture for her to come over. She shared a worried and confused glance with Hiccup before placing her stuff down and heading to the front.

Hiccup watched, worry on his features as Astrid walked away. He scowled when Eret casted a sharp glance at her, and how she shrank back slightly, her shoulders sagging the smallest bit.

_Astrid never shrank back, _he thought, but mentally face palmed. _Something isn't right_.

"Is there a problem?" She asked, mainly focusing her gaze next to the teacher's head. She hated eye contact sometimes.

"Eret here wants tah know if yer willing to switch and become his partner," Mr. Treacherous said, waving a hand towards the buff high schooler.

_Oh, shit_. She glanced nervously at Eret, who looked at her expectantly. _Loki, what did I do to deserve this_.

_But Eret has always been good to me… I'm just not good enough. He needs me._

"Mr. Treacherous?"

The three of them turned their heads, seeing Hiccup approach them.

"Yes, lad?"

"I-I just happened to overhear, and thought I should be involved as well," he said, running a hand through his hair. Astrid found it… endearing, but mentally kicked herself.

_I have a goddamn boyfriend!_

"Astrid is closer to my house," he said. "And our schedule is much more convenient, since we have the same free period every day, as opposed to every other day, considering Eret's periods."

"How do you know my schedule?" Eret asked.

"Snotlout gloats a lot," Hiccup said off-handedly. "Anyways, it's a lot more convenient for Astrid and me, and I have no desire to be partnered with anybody else."

The teacher turned towards the anxious blonde. "Astrid?"

_Think, think, think_. "I-I'm fine with anything," she said sheepishly, hand rubbing the back of her neck nervously. Eret scowled, his jaw visibly tensing. Hiccup noticed, eyebrows furrowing.

Mr. Treacherous said, "I will decide, and I believe in who I partnered who wi' who. I'm sorry, Eret, but I'm 'fraid yer stayin' wi' tah same partner." He turned to Hiccup and Astrid. "Thank you." He said in a louder voice, "I'll hand out your topics in a bit!" He turned around and grabbed a piece of paper, handing it to Astrid and gesturing for them to go back to their desks.

"Why'd you do that?" Admittedly, Astrid was slightly miffed. Eret would be _angry _for her not deciding. Gods, she was pathetic.

He shrugged. "Well, for one, I don't want to be partnered with _Thuggory_—" He raised his palms in the air as she casted him a glare. "Kidding. I genuinely do want to do this project with you and argue about…" He read the piece of paper. "Death penalty abolishment."

She leaned over, trying to read it. "Seriously? We're going to debate on whether or not it should be legal to put people to death?"

"Seems like it," he said, placing it down, before a large figure towered over the pair. "Afternoon, Eret."

"You little shit," he hissed. "Astrid is _mine_."

_Red flag, red flag,_ Hiccup thought, alarmed. "Last I checked, she isn't property."

"Eret, it's fine," she tried, trying to catch her boyfriend's gaze.

"You're such a slut, you know," he growled, grasping her wrist tightly. "I've done so much for you, yet you're pulling this shit."

"I know, I'm sorry," she whispered, looking down. Hiccup wanted to intervene, but feared that it'd make it worst for Astrid. Eret jabbed a finger at Hiccup. "Watch your back, you twig."

He walked away.

Hiccup placed a hand on Astrid's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

She flashed him another practiced smile. "Yeah, it's fine. He's just…" She waved her hand in the air. "Protective."

He raised an eyebrow, but decided not to push it. "Okay, just know I'm here for you," he said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

She gave a thankful smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I know. Let's get on with the assignment…"

They'd received a rubric and a laptop, and Hiccup was surprised on how… compliant Astrid was. When they were still close, she would provide her own ideas, full of fire and passion. Now, she just did what she needed to do.

"Do you have-have anything you-you think—I mean, do you want to do anything different?" He said, facing her. She pursed her lips, looked down for a moment, before shaking her head.

"It's… It's good," she said, checking the clock before gathering her belongings. "I shared it with you on the drive. I can work on it when I get home."

"So-Sounds good!" _Gods, when did he stutter so much_? They walked through the door, avoiding the other students pouring out of their classes. "I-I'll see you later."

She smiled slightly… but he could see how plastic it was, and waved, heading to her locker. He stared at her back with concern written on his features before turning away.

Her eyes were always in his mind. The perfect middle between the beautiful shades of the sea and the twilight sky. Her smile… didn't quite reach her eyes. She'd take pauses before answering, unless she was defending herself.

He scowled, staring at the trig question in front of him. _She was firey, passionate, and honest… what happened, Astrid_?

During free period, Snotlout and Fishlegs immediately started asking quesitons.

"Why'd you guys fight?"

"How possessive is she?"

"She was so hot!" Snotlout whined. "She probably saw how much closer to perfection I am."

"Please, go ahead," Hiccup said dryly, gesturing widely to the cafeteria around them, bustling with hungry students. "I just can't handle the possessiveness and the lack of trust. There's overprotect…"

_He's just… protective_.

"There's overprotectiveness, then there's… Cami." He finished.

"Don't see why she'd be so obsessed with you," Snotlout said. "When she could have all of _this_." He gestured to himself. Hiccup leaned away.

"Yeah…"

Fishlegs took another bite of his burger. "I think you dodged a bullet, Hiccup. That relationship could have easily lead to a miserable life, or even abusive."

He nearly choked on his sandwhich. "Wait, what?"

"Yup. Controlling behaviour is usually a sign of domestic abuse."

"There's a reason why we call you a walking encyclopedia," Snotlout grumbled into his spaghetti. But Hiccup started contemplating on… control.

_I can't assume anything_, he thought. _And Astrid is as stubborn as hell. _

_But this wasn't the Astrid he knew. _

* * *

He sighed, shouldering his backpack. He'd had to stay afterschool with the school counselor to discuss university and… about his therapy. He'd recovered from his eating disorder nearly a year ago, but his depression and anxiety was still dominant and his godfather had pushed him to get better. Now, he felt more relaxed and happy.

Someone grabbed him from behind. Immediately, he started thrashing, trying to loosen their grip.

"H-Hey! What are you doing?!"

"Shut up, Useless." Eret. He slammed his elbow into his ribs, but Dogsbreath and Thuggory grabbed his arms and pinned them to the wall as Eret's features morphed into a sneer.

"I think attacks like these are illegal," he said dryly, earning a kick to his abdomen.

"Hands off my girl," he growled. "She. Is. _Mine_."

"She isn't property," he repeated. Eret drove his fist into his jaw.

"Let's show him how much he belongs with the trash," he growled.

* * *

Astrid walked past the back of the building, heading towards the back parking lot. Ruffnut had needed to run errands and she used her car, but parked it in the wrong area.

Sighing, she continued until she heard muffled hits behind her.

She turned around, adrenaline already in her veins. Nobody was behind her. But the lid of the massive garbage bin shuddered with every _thud_. The latch was locked.

Bewildered, she unlocked the latch, lifting up the lid.

"Hiccup?" She reached for his hand, pulling him up and helping him out of the garbage. The smell was horrid, making her wrinkle her nose. She gasped when saw his face.

A black eye. Split lip. Pale skin. A cut along his cheek.

"What happened?"

"You know, Eret and his cronies wanting to show me where I belong," he said offhandedly. "Thank you. I'll… get going now."

"Where exactly are you going?"

"Home?"

"Walking?" She noticed how he favored his right leg, wobbling slightly. "And you're limping. Uh-uh."

His eyebrows rose. A cough wracked his body, and she immediately placed his arm around her, taking on a bit of his weight. "What—" Another cough. "What about Eret?"

"I think he'll be okay with this," she said, but her tone was uncertain. "You already learned your lesson."

Not wanting to make it worse for her, he nodded, limping and trying his best to not force his weight on Astrid.

They made it to her car, with her trying to make sure he was okay before getting in the driver's seat.

"Astrid?"

"Mhm?"

"Thank you." He said genuinely. "This must suck for you."

"Nah. I pick up people from the dumpster every couple days."

"Sounds like a nice job," he said. "But really. Thank you." He met her eyes, those beautiful eyes.

She gave another smile. "You're welcome."

Her smile. It didn't reach her eyes.

* * *

**I'm sorry, school's been preventing me from updating as frequently as I want. Here's a chapter.**


	3. SMALL SIGNS

**CHAPTER 3: SMALL SIGNS**

Astrid had dropped Hiccup off at his house, heading towards her empty home. She'd given him her number so they could communicate out of school for the project, though the voice in the back of her mind told her she'd get in trouble for doing such. Her father was working the night shift at the hospital, her mother was gone. She never felt more isolated.

Grabbing her bag from the back, she headed inside, using her key and sighing in relief when a wave of warmth washed over her. Stormfly rushed to greet her, a large golden lab that was extremely protective of her best friend. Astrid smiled, genuinely happy to see the dog.

"Hey, girl," she said, placing her bag to the side and undoing her tight braid. She knelt down to gently scratch her head, crooning for the beautiful dog. "Wanna go for a run?"

She tied her hair back in a low ponytail, opening the door to let Stormfly out as Astrid jogged with her. She was trained well and wouldn't run off, following her friend loyally as they ran around the block.

Despite her mother's sudden death, Astrid wouldn't disappoint her spiritually by giving up her athletic prowess. Eret often criticized her for her nonexistent laziness, but she knew he was right.

Panting hard, they'd followed the circuit, nearly four miles, which was more than usual, but satifisfied the blonde as she tiredly made her way back home.

She opened the door, giving Stormfly her food and water. Her phone rang, making her jump as they rushed to answer.

"H-Hi, Eret," she said meekly.

"_Why didn't you check in?_" He nearly snarled. "_You made me worried!_"

"I'm so sorry, I went for a run and—"

"_Don't you love me enough? Am I not enough for you?_"

"You're more than enough! It's me, I'm so sorry. Please, I—"

He hung up, making her groan and sob at the same time.

She would never be good enough, wouldn't she?

She made herself bland oatmeal in the microwave, not trusting herself to make create anything with a stovetop. Her mother, although skilled in almost everything life had thrown at her, also failed any culinary skill, and her father was never around to teach her.

_Gods, I was so much like her,_ she thought. _How disappointed will she be in me now_?

Her mother was more than enough. A parent, a fighter, a business woman, a leader, a beauty. Astrid was nothing like her.

She wasn't enough.

* * *

Hiccup closed the front door, coughing and slouching as he dropped his bag off near the door. It was spared from the junk in the dumpster, though his clothes were now contaminated with gods knows what. A cough wracked his body, nearly making him fall to his knees as he tried to right himself.

_Of course. Spending an hour locked in a freezing dumpster in Winter is gonna get me sick. What a lucky duck._

His father wasn't home, as usual, but Gobber was already in the kitchen, making a meal for himself and Hiccup. The old blacksmith raised an eyebrow. "An' what took ye so long ta ge' back?"

Hiccup coughed again, heading up the stairs. "Y'know, the…" He sneezed. "The usual. Getting locked in a trash can."

Gobber raised an eyebrow. "So tha' is where tha smell comin' from."

"No, it's a new perfume. Adolescent leftovers and a mysterious hint of whatever else they throw in there," he said as cheerfully as he could manage, then sighed. "I'm going to shower."

He spent nearly an hour trying to clean himself, almost falling multiple times as he sneezed over and over again. He couldn't breathe through his nose, and he shivered constantly.

Changing into cleaner clothes and running his old ones through the washer by itself, he went down the stairs and served himself some of the lamb chops and broth. Gobber had prepared. The godfather raised his unibrow.

"Are ye sure ye shoul' go ta school tomorro'?" He asked, watching as Hiccup wrapped himself in a blanket and blow his nose.

"Oh, I'm fine," he said, voice slightly more nasally than usual. "Nothing that—" He sneezed again. "Nothing that horrible."

Gobber raised an eyebrow. "I don't wan' ye to throw all tha' food up again. Take eh slow."

Hiccup nodded, knowing that if he took it in too much he'd vomit right there. He took in the broth a spoonful at a time, letting it settle in his stomach before taking another sip. His head pounded as he felt so defeated. But he needed to go to school tomorrow. If he didn't show up, they'd think they got to him.

He just hoped Astrid would be okay.

* * *

Astrid felt a hand clamp around her wrist as she opened her locker, looking up and nearly flinching as she met Eret's eyes.

"H-Hey, babe," she tried. His grip on her wrist tightened.

"You fucking slut!" He hissed. "Why the hell did you let Haddock out of the garbage?"

Her eyes widened. "I wasn't supposed to do that?"

"Are you an idiot?" He sneered. "I know what I'm doing. Do you not trust me?"

"Of-of course I trust you!" She said quickly. "How did you know?"

"Gustav, of all people," he scoffed. "Why do you want to waste your time on Haddock? Am I not enough?"

"No-No! You're more than enough!"

His face contorted into a sneer. "I don't think so." He stalked off. Astrid leaned against the wall, defeated. Her heart ached as she watched him walk away, on the verge of breaking down.

She will never be good enough.

* * *

**I'm sorry that this is so late. School sucks butt.**

**I might not be able to update for a while, maybe every month. I had no idea that school would be this stressful. **


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